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...'Slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails that's what little boys are made
of' — or are they? Not all boys or men have wanted to be configured in
this mould. 'Sugar and spice and all things nice…, slugs and snails and
puppy dog tails', is a popular nursery rhyme which weaves its message
through question and answer rhyme, into the psyches of girls and boys.
This 'innocent' nursery rhyme, a model of masculinity for boys, has a
darker theme underwriting it. It encourages detachment from emotions,
condoning an acceptable 'yukkiness' for boys and men with no derision or
risk of rejection. Despite being 'yukky', men's privilege allows 'slugs and
snails' to grow up to become prime ministers, presidents, CEOs and
earners of the big bucks in this world. Thanks to the gilded path of the
patriarchy there is 'easy' accessibility to positions and money for boys and
men — unless you are a man who doesn't follow the prescribed path.
***
The privilege embedded in men's psyches from the day they are born
gives them the full status of personhood. In the phallocentric model of
society it is the heterosexual white male who has the power to influence
what counts as legitimate. Men don't mind being 'sluggy'. Since the
beginning of patriarchal times they have had positions of power and control
within social institutions. When a man looks in a mirror and when women
look in the mirror, what do they see? A woman sees a wrinkle, a face that
needs fixing. A man looks at his face and sees lines of character and elements
of distinction confirming his credibility. When a white heterosexual man
looks in the mirror in the morning he sees a person rather than a white
heterosexual man.
***
For many men it seems there are only two choices, one to obey the
patriarchy and the other to overthrow the patriarchy. Either way the patriarchy
is maintained through the enacting of these roles. The trauma of the
patriarchy is evidenced in the violent overthrow of anyone who transgresses
its laws. As an adjunct, in a climate where aggression and violence against
women and other men are accepted, rape, battering, and homophobia are
the inevitable consequences. Fuelling the violence is the maintenance of
men's anger that perverts and twists any peaceful solutions. Men in the
heat of their rage do not see their own helplessness, powerlessness or
humiliation as they vent their anger on safe targets – women, children and
less powerful men. A parallel can be made in a global sense when more
powerful countries invade less powerful ones, as in the 2003 invasion of
Iraq by the powerful empire of the United States of America.
However, 'otherised males' have been stereotyped according to the
fashion of the times as for example the sissy, the fag, the poof, the hustler,
the geek, the wuss. There are few options for men while forming identity
when the range of preferred choice is so limited. Faludi suggests the potential
choice for men can range from the extremes of male eunuch to male
ornament but the extremes are ridiculed: 'The underlying message: men
cannot be men, only eunuchs, if they are not in control'. The loss of
positions of power and 'heroic status' has reduced man to the title 'perennial
everyman', so that he feels 'castrated', cut off from the status of true
masculinity. The only alternative for some men floundering for identity is
to pay homage to the hollow ornament culture of consumerism. Diversity
of approved roles is not one of patriarchy's great strengths. No matter
what the context, men who perform at a mono-dimensional level find that
ultimately there's not enough depth or breadth to provide a feeling of
wholeness in their lives.
Nevertheless, through its historical and cultural durability, the patriarchy
has established solidarity amongst men. When men feel their solidarity is
encroached upon especially by other men, violence often results. In an
incident reported as 'A Hateful Crime,' violence erupted in the brutal bashing
of a gay man because the men involved feared losing their solidarity and
position as 'real' men. The fact that the death occurred in 'gay awareness
week' marks it more severely. The reporter of the incident noted 'this could
be a turning point for gay rights groups if his death leads to passage of
hate-crime legislation'. It seems it is not just the kind of sex the person is
having that gay bashers are concerned about, but also that the person is
violating a strict gender code. It is ironic that when the bounds of the male
order are blurred, men become afraid of receiving in turn the very behaviour
that they have used on women through their authority as the lover, the
father, the boss.
***
It seems to us that sexism oppresses both men and women by
establishing limiting stereotypes that dehumanise both genders. Maybe
we need to be able to walk in each other's moccasins. Is this possible when
phallocentric propaganda has successfully brainwashed us into believing
men really are from Mars and women from Venus? We can say with
conviction, men and women are oppressed in distinctly different ways.
Women are oppressed because they are women. For men there is an irony
in that they are not suppressed for being men although they are suppressed
by other kinds of difference: working class men are oppressed by class, gay
men are oppressed by heterosexism and, non-white men are oppressed by
racism.3 We have to ask why are the oppressions and conflicts so hard to
break through?
The 'Venus and Mars' argument confirms the cavalier, chivalrous male
as legitimate in keeping women safe from the big, bad, tough world. The
cavalier policy proposes that the pursuit of individual satisfaction is about
participating in a dog-eat-dog world, a world that should exclude women,
with the threat that to play superwomen is no prize at all. This attitude,
portraying itself as protector of women's interests, simply manipulates
women by keeping them out of the corporate world and creating an
unnecessary burden for the thinking man. The Mars and Venus analogy
provides exaggerated stereotypes for women and men, which in essence
are a 'rationalisation for accepting the status quo' and 'an excuse for not
changing' according to the article 'Why men miss the point' in The Courier
Mail. From this perspective the diversity of women and men's social and
sexual behaviour cannot be acknowledged. Men hoping to pick women up
in bars choosing from an array of Venuses limits any chance of mindbody-
spirit connectedness. It offers no more than Men from Bars and
Women as Venus.
***
In our discussions with men we have found that their search for a new
voice involves them in thinking, feeling and planning what they want to
say rather than using their voice to control the floor. It might sound easy to
say men need to find their new voice, but for many men it means dealing
with their own anger and insecurities that are fuelled from their past. As
Segal suggested in 1992, within the quest for men's liberation their challenge
is to fight 'against men's typical patterns of behaviour (which) desensitise
male bodies, downgrade the tactile in favour of the visual, and produce
genital hypersensitivity.'... back to top
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